Lost in Religion. Saved by Relationship.

Have you ever found yourself just doing the same mundane thing from Sunday to Sunday, just doing enough to "get by"? Were you taught a traditional way of doing things instead of forming and developing a true relationship with Jesus Christ? In my early days of truly being saved, I was so lost. I thought that if I didn't dance I wasn't really saved. I thought that tears meant that I was in the presence of God. I thought that if I missed a Sunday of church I would go to hell. I thought that because other people were required to cut their families off that I was as well. I went through a season where I wouldn't really talk to  my mom because I thought that I had to cut away from my family. I stopped talking to people because I thought that I was now confined to this group of people. I felt bad because I didn't have $100 or $1000 dollar seeds to sow into the ministry. I felt bad because no one was asking me to lead prayer. I wanted to plan events for the ministry and it just felt like I was being ignored and looked over. It seemed like every time I put myself out there, I was never needed. The "church" didn't need me. I told myself and I told God, "I will NEVER volunteer to do another thing again for them. They don't need me. I'll be a faithful member, but that's about it." I said this out of complete anger and hurt. So many things happened to me to make me want to leave this ministry but I knew that God had called me to this ministry. I knew that I couldn't let people push or pull me out of what God had intended for me to be planted in for a season.

And through all of this, Jesus began to reveal Himself to me. It's not about being in front of people or holding a microphone or even sowing the most money. All of those things are good in due time. In God's divine timing. I've been telling God for so long that I don't want to be someone who just sits in church and never grows. I want to experience His ordained way of living for my life. I want to do whatever HE wants me to do no matter  how uncomfortable it makes me feel. Through relationship with God, I learned that just because I have a gift and He has revealed that gift or those gifts to me does not mean that I have to "openly" use them just yet. Yes, by all means use your gifts and let GOD get the glory but for me personally, there is some Godly coaching that He has and I had to be humbled first. I had no idea the attacks that come with planning events or the hard work and tough skin that you have to have to get things done. I was a softy and I still kind of am but God is delivering me from that (praise break). It was not my time to do those things and I had no idea that we had a committee for the youth that I wanted to plan. Do you see why I was not ready to plan an entire event? I had no idea what kind of committees we had in place. I couldn't even fully tell you the vision of the ministry that I was apart of. Do you know the vision that God has given your visionary? We want to do so many things but we don't even know the reasoning behind the things that we are apart of. So, are we really apart of it? I was shy. I took a vision that I had and ran with it. No prayer or anything, I just knew that God would work it out. I didn't even have the first $100 seed to sow into the event that I wanted to plan for God's youth. No money, no connections, no direction, just vision. And that is dangerous territory. "And He spoke a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint;." Luke 18:1

As my relationship with the Holy Spirit grows, I am learning my purpose and I am intentional about fulfilling the call that God has on my life. Am I doing it because it's what my leaders want for me? No. Am I doing it because it's what my friends and family want for me? No. This life is all about the choices and decisions that we make and I have finally made a quality heart decision to walk into my God ordained destiny. It won't be easy and there will be plenty more times where I will want to quit. But, destiny won't let me. So, today if you find yourself in any of these situations and circumstances, PLEASE seek God. I am still apart of that same ministry that I wanted to walk away from because that's where God wants me in this season. If I am the only person at Sunday service or Tuesday service or any other service, I'll be fine as long as God is there. I no longer wait until Sunday to praise, worship, and seek God. Because I know that I need Him every hour of every day. I am nothing without Him and if I don't consult with Him on a regular basis, then I will be lost. Always wondering what my purpose is, getting involved in clubs and organizations just because, writing about the wrong topics, not forgiving others, being disobedient, and just walking towards a terrible eternity. Just because our sin may not reflect the sin of others does not make us exempt. "For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God; Being justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus: Whom God hath set forth to be a propitiation through faith in his blood, to declare his righteousness for the remission of sins that are past, through the forbearance of God; To declare, I say, at this time his righteousness: that he might be just, and the justifier of him which believeth in Jesus." Romans 3:23-26 This means that He has set us free! It is because of the righteousness of Jesus Christ that we are made free and made whole. Walk in that freedom sis! Religion will have you trying to please everyone. An intimate relationship with God will have us focused on destiny and not people pleasing or performing as my Pastor calls it. I have learned so much in this last four years and I am still and will forever be learning! This faith walk with Christ is paralleled in my mind to education. You have to start off with your ABC's and 123's then as you progress, you get to learn your colors, and then form sentences, and then a little while after that, you get to learn how to do math with letters! :) That's exactly how it is with Christ, we have to meet Him and then He teaches us how to love Him, obey His commandments, and how to submit to Him (the basics). After that, its how to love others, identify our gifts, etc. It's a continual walk and a never-ending experience. Education means to come out. So, we are coming out of a life of sin into a life of love, forgiveness, obedience and sacrifice! There are so many benefits of being a Kingdom citizen. And yes, there is a major difference between being drafted into church and being drafted into Kingdom. Church can drop your self esteem, Kingdom will help enhance your self esteem. It will show you who you are and WHOSE you are! A Kingdom lifestyle is a liberating lifestyle. We are free to be our true selves with no apologies in Kingdom living. We learn how to carry ourselves as young women of God and how to have manners. What to wear and what not to wear so that we are leading men of God to Christ and not to the bedroom. How to speak properly, etiquette, how to act in general. We learn a lot of things that we should have learned growing up. But hey, we live and we learn. And guess what the best part about Kingdom and relationship is- we get to impart the wonderful knowledge that God has shown us and that He has used others to show us into other women so that they too can be educated and be the best women of God that they can be! I love you sis and I pray that something was said to liberate you, to encourage you, to make you laugh, and even to urge you to do some self examination. I just want you to know that you are not alone! There are many people who go through so many things and they are not aware that there is a way out. CHRIST is the only way out.

Experience

Experience can be such a hard thing sometimes. We like the "good" experiences where we don't have to go through any pain- but the first time something hard comes our way in that experience, we automatically assume that it's the devil. In this day in time, our faith is being tested, our people are being persecuted (as the Bible declares). 

"We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed; Always bearing about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life also of Jesus might be made manifest in our body." 

2 Corinthians 4:8-10

With all of the things that we go through, there is a lesson to be learned. What lessons are we learning, if any, from our experiences? Life is what we make it and what we choose to take away from our experience is solely up to us. My Pastor said it best one day. She said that we are all dealt a hand like the deck of cards that we must live with. With the hand that she was dealt, she chooses to learn from it, to embrace it. That touched me because we are dealt our own hand of cards or experiences that we must go through. Those cards are the pieces that we must have in order to walk into our greater destiny- the one that GOD Himself prepared for us. When we are playing a game, there is a set number of cards that each player has to have in order to even have a chance to win. If that player is not strategic with the hand that he is dealt, he will either grow bitter, cheat, or get so distracted that he will lose the game. When we go through the different experiences in our lives, we have to be careful not to envy the lives of others, or focus on what others are doing or may not be doing. 

Who are our experiences shaping us to be? They should be shaping us to be women of integrity, women with a foundation, women with standards, women with staying power, women with tenacity, women of purpose, women of virtue, women of praise, women of worship, submissive women, and most importantly women of God! Sadly, a majority of the time- they make us pitiful women, hardhearted women, hard headed women, revengeful women, independent women that don't even want to depend on God because we think that He is being unfair to us. But, always remember that everything negative that  happens to us is not God's fault, and sometimes it isn't even the devil. When we are out of God's will-we give the enemy free will to come into our lives as well as the lives of those that we love. And, when we are in the will of God, He will allow us to go through some things as well. But He is able and willing to bring us out. I mean, it was His idea for Satan to attack Job. He asked, "have you considered My servant Job?" (Job 1:8) He also told Satan not to touch the man himself. He was not speaking physically when He said this because we know that Job was hit with a terrible disease where his skin was breaking out and it struck him from the crown of his head to the soles of his feet. God was speaking about his spirit man. That is the man himself that God was speaking of. God will give us a test based on how much He can trust us. If He allowed everything to be taken away from us, would we still be able to worship Him in spirit and in truth? (John 4:23-24)

So, today sis be encouraged, be sober, and be wise. In every experience- there is a lesson to be learned and another class to be taught to other young women one day. That lesson may not be taught in an actual classroom or a fancy seminar- it may be a class that you teach your daughter, your sister, maybe even your mother or a coworker. Sometimes the greatest lesson we can teach is without words. It is spoken with action. I am confident that you have had and will continue to have great experiences throughout your lifetime.  Trust and acknowledge Him in ALL that you do and He will show you the way a.k.a His way a.k.a the RIGHT way to do a thing- even if it's taking longer than you like, wait on Him while you wait. That does not mean sit, and do nothing. It's in the verb form, wait on Him- do His will, seek His face, serve Him and His people, and through all of that He will renew your strength and show you the way. Don't beat yourself up if you feel like you didn't do it the right time last time. You're still on this earth so you still have a chance to get it right. :)

I LOVE YOU SIS and I am praying for you! Be encouraged, experiences don't come to stop us, they come to help us grow so that we can get through this thing called life the King's way so that we can help bring others to Him. That is the overall goal for our existence! Stay strong and don't allow your experiences to decide who you are; let God do that. He says that we are the head and not the tail, the first and not the last, we are a royal priesthood and we are His children!  He loves His daughters! Because He is we are and there is nothing that our God cannot do!